The Empathy Gap: Why Your Brilliant Ideas Fall Flat

Ever mess up a presentation?  Here’s one explanation.

Let’s start with Sarah. 

She walks into the company meeting with a huge smile. She has amazing news to share about a new project, complete with charts and data. Her masterpiece.

It looks weeks to prep. And lots of practice: in front of the mirror, while she was driving, and in front of her 3-legged Doberman.

But as she talks, she notices everyone looks like they’d rather be somewhere else.

They're staring at her with the same face she always had when Father Benedetto droned on and on about "The Seven Deadly Sins.” Her audience looks like they’re already in hell.

What Sarah didn't know was that her audience was still upset. They’d just spent months working on a different project that completely bombed. While Sarah was bubbling with excitement about the future, they were still feeling bad about losing a big account.

Here's what Sarah should have done instead: She could’ve started by saying something like, "I know the Wilson project didn't go as planned, and I can see how disappointed you are." 

Then, she could’ve shared a story about a time one of her own projects failed. She could’ve acknowledged their feelings first, before asking them to get excited about something new.

The Simple Rule for Better Communication:

1. Figure out how people are feeling right now - Are they stressed? Excited? Worried? Tired?

2. Start by acknowledging those feelings - Let them know you get it.

3. Slowly move them to where you need them to be - Don't jump from sad to excited in one leap.

4. End with how you want them to feel - Hopeful, motivated, or whatever fits your message.

Most of us make this mistake. We get so caught up in what we want to say that we forget to think about what the other person is ready to hear.

Think about it: If you're worried about paying rent, you're not going to care about investment opportunities. If you're still hurt from an argument with your spouse, you're not ready to plan your next vacation together. 

And if your team just had a major setback, they're not ready to hear about the next big thing.

Before you say anything important, ask yourself: "What's going on in their head right now?" Then start there.

The best communicators don't start with their message. They start by showing they understand what the other person is going through. Once people feel heard and understood, they're much more likely to listen to what you have to say.

And if you need help crafting good stories that show demonstrate both understanding and inspiration, I’d be happy to help you and your team too.