How Stories Help You Have Difficult Conversations At Work

A few days ago, I got a lovely email from a man who’d been in one of my storytelling workshops. He told me how valuable the workshop was and how his boss is impressed with his new skill.

He’s a leader at a bank and often uses stories at work as a format for having difficult conversations. So this got me to thinking about how stories help when we have challenges going on at work.

First, when you tell a personal story during a difficult conversation, it makes you more relatable as a human being. When you tell somebody something true about yourself, they’re more likely to respond with empathy instead of getting defensive. 

If you’re a boss, people may assume you’ve just skipped through the tulips to get where you are. But you know that’s not true. You’ve had ups and downs. So share those when they match the situation you’re dealing with.

Second, these true stories help you create common ground. When you talk about how something similar went wrong in your life, you build trust. And if the person you’re speaking to feels more connected to you, a challenging conversation may go more smoothly.

Third, if you tell a story well, you’re giving your conversation partner a concrete example. Rather than speaking in abstraction, you’ve engaged their mind with memorable examples. It’s one thing to tell someone that you “once had a rough time at your first job.”

But it’s another to describe how you were gossiping with a male coworker about how much you don’t like your female boss, only to find out it’s his wife. Oops. That’s a story to remember. 

Fourth, if you open up by sharing a personal story, you’re showing a willingness to be vulnerable. And if you’re willing, they may be willing too. This could mean you have a much more productive conversation.

But please, don’t get freaked out by the term “vulnerable.”  You don’t have to get more personal than you want to. You don’t have to tell the story about being left at the altar. A story about how much you love your grandma because she was strict and made great sugar cookies also works. 

And finally, when you share a personal story, you’re helping the listener understand your motivation. Maybe you need to have a difficult conversation about their behavior. If you share a story about a time you did something similar that caused problems at work, it will help them see the conversation as an attempt to solve a problem rather than as a personal attack.

For example, if you're having a tough conversation about someone who’s missing deadlines, you could share a story about when you missed deadlines because of family issues. This may help them open up about what’s happening in their life so you can work toward finding a solution. 

So take the advice from my friend who has a big job at a bank - use personal stories to help diffuse issues at work.  

Thanks for reading! If you liked this article, please share it and let me know what you think in the comments. You can learn how to tell great stories at work to motivate and connect with your team too. I run "The Great Story Workshop" all over the U.S. and I'd love to help the leaders in your organization tell impactful stories. Please reach out to me here using the contact form.